From: Triscelt@aol.com
To: Leonard@oregonfamilyrights.com 
Sent: Sunday, July 27, 2003 11:31 PM
Subject: A Letter to Jan Hage, caseworker

Ms. Hage,

I'd like to once and for all, clear up the air between us.

Let me start off by telling you just WHO you are dealing with. I am a single mother who VOLUNTARILY placed her daughter UNDER GREAT DURESS with Children's Services in order to get her the best services. In 1996, that was the ONLY way a person in poverty could obtain services other than "letting the other shoe drop".

At that juncture, I was coerced, forced or whatever to sign a legal document saying I couldn't care for Rachel.

From that time onward, I have walked on eggshells in order that I do the best for Rachel (that has always been my original intent.)

I followed orders, framed my words and stayed as consistent as possible. I tolerated Inconsistency on the part of the "professionals" when I was held to much HIGHER standards. The "professionals" that FAILED to return urgent phone calls, FAILED to show-up on time (if at all) for important meetings and dates, FAILED to provide information to me so that I could monitor her progress. When the "professionals" failed my daughter and me, we BOTH felt betrayed, frustrated, and angry. Yet, I still had to "convince" her and myself that things would get better. I felt that was a LIE. I HATE lying for her sake. 

You see, my daughter's relationship with me is based on two things: 

1#) LOVE-UNCONDITIONAL, and 

2#) TRUST. 

When I am TOLD to" bend the truth" for her own "best interest", I am being told to lie to Rachel. That violates my principles, and destroys one of the foundations that is Rachel's and our bond. MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.

I NEVER, NEVER gave up my RIGHTS to be her mother! Nor was I ever terminated!
Even when my patience was tried, MY principles, religious beliefs, and FAMILY VALUES were THROWN in the GARBAGE, I CONTINUED to "do what's best", I continued to try NOT to "rock the boat". 

When MY emotions were fragile after my mother died, I STILL showed up and was there for Rachel. I was strong for HER. But I slipped up, and I told Rachel about her Grandma Gerrie dying.--The SAME Grandma that was only "allowed" to see Rachel only TWICE since she has been in foster care! The SAME Grandma that had NEVER been accused of ANY harm against Rachel. The SAME Grandma that Rachel BEGGED to see TIME AND AGAIN! The Grandma that Rachel LOVED. 

You know what happened don't you? When I told her that her Grandma had died, an AMAZING thing happened! SHE HANDLED THE TRUTH!!! SHE HELD THINGS TOGETHER, SHE DIDN'T FREAK OUT, or DECOMPENSATE!!! How fragile is she????
Only fragile when it comes to being away from me and her FAMILY! 

Now, YOU, the "professionals" are not allowing further contact with her Great-Grandparents, OR her father, OR her other Grandma and Grandpa in Appleton, Wisconsin----EVEN PRISONERS ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE CONTACT WITH THEIR LOVED ONES!!!!!!

STILL, I tolerated all this heavy-handed totalitarianism against our family. I even convinced my grandparents that they doing things to "protect" Rachel.

How DELUDED I was by you "professionals"!! Seduced, brow-beaten, intimidated, and all along the driving force in this was Rachel or rather, the BAIT you held out AS Rachel.
If I did THIS, I could see her. If I lied about THAT, I could get her phone call or take a walk with her. All this excessive and extraneous and ENORMOUSLY STRESSFUL regulatory and PUNITIVE actions you "professionals" put into my life I still endured FOR Rachel. I did NOT rock the boat. Not EVEN when FALSE STATEMENTS were made against me.

TWO EXAMPLES:

One counselor, a LARK VORHEES of Behavioral Network made a false statement one time in her notes about "suspicions" that she "thought" (falsely assumed) I was using drugs and alcohol. The TRUTH of that particular day, I had to deal with an out-of-control Ryan (Rachel's brother) and I had been up all night due to stress and insomnia. YET, I still showed up to Rachel's appointment with this counselor. As a matter of fact, I was VOLUNTARILY going through counseling in the same place.

You see, I KNOW when I need help for both my kids and myself. I do NOT NEED the "professionals" treating me, my children and my family like DIRT!!!

Another example: Recently, I was able to view a psychological report on Rachel in which the doctor claimed

(1#) "Rachel is afraid of mothers boyfriends" (in the plural) Excuse me!! I have had ONE man and ONLY one man in my life, his name is Tim, and Rachel ADORES him!! 

(2#) "mother "confesses" to "severely" abusing laxatives during pregnancy" ( I abused them ONCE in awhile, the result of severe stress). I believe they call that an "eating disorder"??? STUPID of me. I was troubled by a bad, abusive marriage, already the mother of a toddler, and without skills or a job. EXCUSE ME, MY MISTAKE.

The point I'm trying to make is this: HOW COULD THE "DOCTOR", MAKE THESE STATEMENTS WITHOUT EVER INTERVIEWING ME????? OR HAVING ANY INPUT FROM ME??? I NEVER TALKED TO THIS DOCTOR!!!!

NOW. I have met you only ONCE. Your attitude towards me at that meeting in April--without ever asking my side--was one of CONTEMPT, ANTAGONISM, BAITING, CONDESCENSION, and AGGRESSION. You made me cry and had me so angry after that meeting. You were RUDE, CRUEL, CALLOUS, and INDIFFERENT.

Even when I told you I would end up HOMELESS and I HAD to move, (to Idaho), you tried to get me to make a promise to come see Rachel in a month. (Ignoring my absolute need to establish myself and immediately find work in Idaho and never mind if I DID find work that my bosses would say: "Oh, sure, we just hired you, but take a few days off anyway.")
THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T LOVE MY CHILD!! HOW IN GOD'S NAME could ANYONE who KNEW me think that moving to another state was not a VERY DESPERATE measure to obtain stability--the stability that Rachel NEEDS. I could NOT find work in OREGON, my HOME state.-- The same state that is the HUNGRIEST in the nation, (according to the national food-bank statistics). The SECOND highest unemployment rate in the nation, and the THIRD highest cost-of-living on the West Coast.--This is also the state that TERMINATES care to it's most vulnerable and poverty-stricken citizens--the mentally-ill and disabled--(fits my daughter's description!!!!!)

HOW could I serve Rachel if I was HOMELESS??? So, you see, I made a HUGE sacrifice.
I ache for her DAILY. I CRY at night. I desperately wanted, and STILL want us to be a FAMILY.

HOW DARE you make assumptions!! YOU do NOT know what is in my heart. You "professionals" have HEARD what is in Rachel's heart. You "professionals" who are ENTRUSTED with Tender Loving Carer of MY child (NOT EVER, EVER YOURS!!!!!) are tromping all over her heart. Not only that, you tromp on her Family's RIGHTS and hearts. 
In the process, YOUR POWER TRIP will ultimately DESTROY my daughter. You "professionals" are NOW on NOTICE: IF just ONE tiny, hair on her head comes to harm, JUSTICE WILL be served!!! If not in the courts, then in the court of PUBLIC OPINION!! I WILL not give MY permission to have Rachel ENSLAVED until she is 21!!! She has the CONSTITUTIONAL and CIVIL RIGHTS to make her statement at age 18 and you "professionals", are SUPPOSED to make "reasonable accommodations" to accede to her wishes, demands, and desires to be with me in Idaho. You "professionals" have so far violated not only her Civil Rights, but the United Nations Charter as well. 

I am fully aware that the state "reserves the right" to keep her where she is. But, you did NOT interview me, and I was interrupted time and again when I wished to present my PLAN for her. I would NEVER bring Rachel here without a thorough, thought-out plan. you "professionals" ASSUMED I did not have a plan.

I tell you this:

I would have her here only under the following conditions. 
a.) steady work (employment)
b.) permanent housing
c.) established guardianship
d.) relief caregivers
e.) community services
f.) a doctor of psychiatry as well as community medical, mental-health and vocational services
g.) transportation
( AND YOU KNOW IDAHO HAS BETTER SERVICES!!!!)

BUT YOU NEVER ASKED!!! YOU ASSUMED!!! YOU will PROBABLY TAKE her till she is 21, but if she is DESTROYED, there will be NOTHING that stops me from naming names of the "professionals" who are driving a wedge between Rachel and her family. (A VIOLATION, BY THE WAY, of the "Family Re-unification" that is the heart of the Clinton Presidencies law of Foster care reform).

I ASK YOU MS. HAGE: JUST WHAT ARE YOU "FOSTERING"??!!??!!!

Oh, and by the way: Don't go trying to put in a "report" on me that I am a "hysterical" or "insane" or whatever "buzz-words" you "professionals" use to JUSTIFY your ABUSE OF POWER over the destruction of FAMILIES!!

I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!!! ANGER, and DEFENSIVENESS are NATURAL INSTINCTS when a mother is ATTACKED and her CHILD is ENDANGERED!!!
NATURAL INSTINCTS!!!

YOU ARE ON NOTICE!!!!

Rebecca S. Keeney